The Voices in My Head
As a female, LtCol, acquisition officer, I sometimes find
myself looking around in wonder. For example,
this past month I had the opportunity to participate in my organization’s leadership
conference. As soon as I walked into the room, I sighed. There were few women
and even less minorities. Sometimes in situations like this, even though I am
an out-going extrovert type of person, I find it easy and even comforting to
fade into the back. I know all
the reasons why I should not sit in the back of the room, but I did it
anyway.
Even though I’ve been in the Air Force for 17 years, I can
still feel like an outsider sometimes. When I walked into that room of 50 or so
people, I said to myself that “everyone in this room seems to know each other”,
“I’m not a Space Command person”, “I’m not a guy”, “I’m not in operations”. The
list of negative thoughts swirled around my head.
During the breaks, I did not interact with many people. I spoke to the two people that I
knew. Then about half way through the first day, I said to myself that I can be
better than this. On the breaks, I started walking up to random people and
introducing myself. I started with the other women first as a
way to ease out of comfort. After meeting another friendly female officer, I was ready
for more. I started introducing myself to everyone. By the end of the day, I
had met a lot of people in the organization. Through these connections, I will
be able to accomplish more for my Airman and my organization.
What did I learn through this experience? What time I wasted
inside my head with negative thoughts. We are all on the same team. Everyone was nice and open to networking. There was no need to be intimidated by the size or composition of the group. Maybe they saw me as different and maybe they did not. In the end,
it really does not matter. What matters is that someone has to be the first
person to extend a hand. If I have to be the first one, then I must be the first one to extend my hand. Maybe the next similar experience won’t be so
positive. But I won’t know until I extend my hand.
Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. - Author Unknown