Guilt Free Living

Yesterday I read an article talking about “mommy guilt” that working mothers have because they feel that they are cheating their family and job and failing by not succeeding in both areas. The article made me mad because it was written with a defeatist attitude. After being upset and thinking about this for a day, I want to encourage you to 1- Be Present and 2 – Be Realistic.

Quite frankly, I have trouble understanding this guilt. Don’t misunderstand me, I love my kids. However, I know that if I was home with them all day we would be together but we would not do all the cool things that they do at school and camp. I know myself and know that is not my strength.  I know many women are great at it. Me, not so much. Plus, I also really enjoy serving in the AF. Being a working mother isn’t easy. It has taken me time to learn how to Be Present and how to Be Realistic. 

1 – Be Present.  Your mind and body need to be in the same place. If you are at work, then focus and be at work. If you are with your kids, then focus on them. The woman in the article felt guilty that she would be at work and thinking of her kids. Then she would be at her child’s music lesson thinking about a proposal she needs to finish. My answer is to Be Present. My method of dealing with these issues is to schedule my time (within reason). I allot & commit time to spend with my kids so that I can be at soccer practice or piano lessons.  I also schedule time for me to complete my work. I’m not saying that it is always easy, but you have to position yourself from vantage point of control rather than operate out of control. I will add that during high stress points induced either from family or work, things may get a little out of whack. The laundry might stack up. We might have take-out for dinner. But it is always temporary and from a position of control.

2- Be Realistic. Working moms have to be realistic about what can be accomplished at work and at home. Super heroes are not real. I cannot do it all. My house will not always be clean and organized. The kids may not get to participate in 3 activities each. My oldest kids are 7 & 5 so missing a practice every so often isn’t the end of the world for them or me. I also have to be realistic about what work I can complete and what assignments are a good match.

My personal opinion is that we worry too much. I have never been removed from a job for going to one of my children’s events. I always get my job done and put in the required time. I have gotten to a point in my life (aging helps) for me to be comfortable with my decisions. When I leave work to see my son receive a school award, I plan for it, attend, and enjoy it. When I leave work to pick up a sick child, I still have to figure out a way to accomplish the tasks. I am okay with this. When I have to leave early in the morning for a work meeting, I plan for it and get it done.

I think it’s important to decide what your goals are for your career and for your family. Then commit to make decisions that are consistent with your goals.

Live Guilt Free. Thrive. Be Present. Be Realistic.