Same but Different

As an observer of my life I’ve noticed that the AF teaches us from day one to conform. It teaches us to be a part of the herd and to follow the herd’s rules. As I sit right outside the AF glass doors, in the AQ front office, I see the success of the military’s intention. It is almost copies of each other that pass through. We already dress the same, speak the same, and wear our hair the same. For the most part, the people in the military are interchangeable because of our conformity. I think that this conformity goes beyond just the superficial but it may even weed out the ones that are different in order to protect the conformity. All of this only reinforces the important of conformity.

Then somewhere along the way the AF starts talking about diversity.  I chuckle to myself. Now you want us to be different? To think different? This system isn’t designed for different.

In Melinda Gates’ book, “The Moment of Lift” she talks about her early days at Microsoft. She described the culture there as where you had to argue strenuously to prove you were strong an smart. She said no one thanked or complimented each other. She was so bothered by the atmosphere that she almost left the company. But instead she choose to stay and meet the standards in her own way. The quote that most stood out to me is “What I realized much later, paradoxically, is that by trying to fit in, I was strengthening the culture that made me feel like I didn’t it in.”

In many ways I feel like Melinda Gates is singing my song. Somehow I’ve gone through the same training, wear the same clothes, speak the same language but still I’m different. I haven’t lost myself, yet I know how to conform. In a way, I see this blog as a way to talk about my difference, a way for me to acknowledge that I am a working mom of three boys, married to a civilian spouse and have the same love of the AF.

I am not sure that I can change our culture with the same success as Ms. Gates, but I will continue to try. I have been working for a while to address childcare for military families. This is a critical issue if you want different folks like working mothers to serve. One day I hope that we can talk about those that are different or think different and find meaningful ways to them to fit in. There must be a way to balance the conformity to include difference.